The last 2 months of living in Marrakech’s Medina for about 2 years my mind was totally stressed and my personality changed into being very negative, judgemental, unhappy and angry… There was nothing what could make me happy again, not even a big plate of great homemade couscous or the visit of dear friends. I slept most of the time or watched movies, didn’t want to see anyone or go out, lived only from coke and yogurts which I bought in quantities like a hamster, in a small local market next to the house while wearing my pyjamas…I didn’t leave the house for days  but didn’t want to stay also, or to leave or knew where to go to and what to do…I felt like I’m just vegetating, didn’t care about much anymore…. Why was it like this, I don’t really know and I  don’t want to say that Marrakech is bad, no, for sure not. It’s a beautiful city with a magical old part ( the Medina), lots of colorful markets, little streets and good places to go out to. I even met a few very good people I still talk to… Well, I think it’s just that the people living and working there are totally stressed, negative and unhappy with their life’s. Pushed by their families or other circumstances to bring money home … I totally understand….


You find teenager and young boys standing around on every corner harassing woman of any age, trying to rib you off by taking adventage of you loosing your ways, insulting you and in some cases even trying to touch you… While your actually just about to visit the city, on the way to buy a nice souvenir or to see the museums and Palasts people around you will make you not excited anymore to follow what you actually planed to do. It seems like everyone is lying to you just to get you in their restaurants, shops,hotels or to sell you something. You want to be nice and friendly but you don’t know who to believe and trust anymore. At the end you don’t even answer a greeting and rush through the streets to reach your destination very fast, just to avoid arguements or fights. Same as everyone here says, Moroccans or Europeans, Morocco is a beautiful country to visit and to live in but Marrakesh has a big grey cloud above the city, a cloud what makes people aggressive and miserable. I had many guests who came happy and excited but left very disappointed and exhausted from the struggles in the streets. There are for sure different reasons for but it is what it is …


I than finally left back to Europe, traveled through Spain and London and came back to Germany… I thought coming back to my home country is the best and I will live and work again like any other German, better said like any other person on this planet… I found a new huge apartment with an even bigger garden where I planed to grow vegetables and fruits. Imagined already barbecue parties with my friends in the summer time… Maybe adopting a dog… 

Better said than done… 

My income was good, nothing to complain about but it took me just 4 weeks to realize that this is and will never be my life… I worked like a horse 8-10 hours a day just to run behind my payments and to actually pay my health insurance, my rent and my other living costs. There was not even a chance to safe any money and I felt overwhelmed with my bills and isolated life… Too early mornings, long working days, not enough time to see your friends because ur to tired- I was pretty sure that this is not why I’m living for…


My few friends there thought I was crazy when I informed them that I will go back to Morocco. They couldn’t understand why I started a new life back in Germany and now I just leave everything and go again to the place I hated so much, the place where I ran away from..One of them changed his skin color from fresh rosa to blank white and I thought he will pass out any second and the other one tried to convince me to understand that I will end up with a crazy fanatic Moroccan husband, converted to Islam , 4 kids and wearing a black burka… 😂


After surviving the worried preachers, security codes and promises of armed forces if there is any kind of danger, 10 days later I found myself in the plane on the way  back “home” to Morocco… This time I will try my new life in Essaouira, I thought, the city I visited many times before and where everything is so nice and calm…. 2,5 hours away from Marrakech. 

I do believe that all of us have lots of faith, hope and happiness in us but also a dark negative site, maybe some bad experience we don’t want to think about anymore, something from our pasts we don’t want to be remembered of, maybe something what happened in our childhood, in past relationships or whenever. We believe that the only way to totally ignore and forget about it is to lock it up, deep inside us, with the biggest iron lock we can find and threw the key away… And it usually works…For some time.  Until we come to the sea site…..

Even on the way to Essaouira people get more friendly and happy…You can feel the spirit and the freedom of this little cute fisher town….I remember when I went to the beach, the first day after my arrival. I was alone… The sky was clear blue, the sun shining, not very windy.. Actually the perfect weather for a nice walk. 


The beach was lonely and seemed to be endless. The ocean was dark blue with its high waves and I realized for the first time how huge and gigantic it actually is…If it wants to than it could just send a big wave over you and carry you away. It has so much power and can decide over life and dead in a second…. For me the ocean is one of the most powerful elements we have in the world.

 Im not sure where that feeling came from but I slowly started to feel very weak and fragile, began to think about all the things I’ve locked away since a long long time.It was a weird, heavy feeling and very uncomfortable. The ocean didn’t ask, but suddenly decided to just destroy the strong lock inside me and threwed everything I’ve buried there in front of my feeds.The confrontation has arrived. No chance to run away, to escape. I felt weak and fragile but didn’t try to fight against it. I just sat in the dunes for some time, organized mind and heart, accepted things how they were and are, decided to move on, to forget in good ways and kept walking… 

The sea helped me a lot, calmed me down and made me also addicted to it, gave me freedom and happiness back. There is no day without a walk on the beach, long or short. 


Now, when I come with friends or guests for the first time it’s like I can feel the silence, the thoughts going up and down inside them, how the water washes all the negativity away, how calm and happy they become after a while. 

 There is no way that I could ever live in a place without the sea again.Especially  Essaouiras beach and the ocean in general are pure Vitamine “sea”for our body and soul. If your sad, depressed or just down, go to the ocean. It will help you 🙂